Living Zen Life

so many years with someone to talk to
didn't have to make plans a week or two away
with someone who wasn't her
she was with me to talk of our days
even when there wasn't anything new to say
same thing all over again was alright
comforting in it's easy back and forth
keep me from going off on schemes

I didn't know how much I needed her
just to be there in the morning after work
I love my friends but often
they are gone after their own lives
and I can't blame them
keeps them from having to listen to me

I'm one who needs to talk things over
writing isn't enough not near enough
I can't write the way of chatting
how dull that would be to any reader even myself.
I don't like this being without someone
I'm trying to see through this time
but zen isn't any sort of answer
demanding mind or no mind or emptiness
sometimes I want to say (or write)
screw all that!
I'll try to remember to say that to my friends
who've thought I've gone all zen berserk!

Maybe I need to say or write it more than I have -
I miss her!
I don't just miss any someone but her
she who knew me from the years we were together
I can't say we were always the best couple
but I tried my best to love and care for her
and I won't say my best was good enough
not for her but I tried.
We saw each other at our best and worst
but isn't that the way of married life?
I'm sure there are perfectly loving couples out there
but we were not that couple 
we were together in many very good times with family and friends
and in a very few not so great times
but we were together for thirty-one years
these days that is saying something.

I miss you, dear!