Living Zen Life

Sitting in long silence
finding nothing to do
looking out the window
trance-like eyes not seeing.
I lose the words
nothing speaks to me
my heart is silent.

I've not come to the end
mourning Carol's death
memories remain
her face clear in my mind.

This is no exercise 
with beginning or ending.
I must decide how to go on
left with the difficult part 
no one to talk to of all the things
all the ten-thousand things
spoken between husband and wife.
I sit with these on my own.

Solitude days
are mine to have and hold
not warm and soft
do not hold my hand.
Perhaps they listen -
needed stillness and quiet -
hearing silent whispered things
I am unable to fashion into words.