Living Zen Life

Observe - question - hypothesize
test - analyze -conclude.
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Since my wife died
this is what life has felt like,
an experiment in how to live.

I did not know what else to do 
but test ways of understanding 
try ways of living, without her.

Tonight, I come to realize
my life is no experiment
it is only life.

The scientific method does not apply.
I am no guinea pig 
I am no one's subject for testing.

I am not God's subject
to be judged here
or in any life hereafter.

I am not society's subject
to weigh my benefit or neglect
as if weights on a scale.

I am not the subject of any creed
measured by adherence 
to it's set of rules, forms, or dogmas.

Nor am I my own subject
to be judged by my own arbitrary rules
formulated out of the dregs of my past.

To what, then, am I subject?
Only, as all are, to this -
Death.

If my wife's death taught me anything
it is that death is nothing to be feared
only embraced.

Taught me that the world's view of death
is irredeemably myopic
laced with fear and dread.

I watched my wife die.
I saw in her nothing of
fear, dread, or anguish.

I have, then, one arbiter
who is neither grim nor reaps.
Death. The death of this one sitting here.