Being Unusual

a dear friend said this of me
I unable to muster an objection
how could I being who I am?

it gets cold tonight sitting outside 
trying in vain to find stars
in the city lit night sky

no matter here I am
stars unseen and all else
city life offers my unusual soul

an old Chinese hermit questioned
considering opinions of those down below
"Am I really an idiot?"*

pretty certain I'm not an idiot
but, as master Hanshan mused,
"My reflections fail to solve the question."

difficult part remaining so -
staying true to who I am
not yet knowing who I am

we seek ourselves
from out of all we might be
or who some may wish us to be 

not easy finding our true selves
when world tugs this way and that
we must dig deep and sit

sit as if who we are depended on it
it is why we sit facing walls
making us all, as my friend says, unusual.

______________________________

*"All the people in the Kuo-ch'ing monastery 
They say, "Han-shan is an idiot." "Am I really an 
idiot:" I reflect. But my reflections fail to solve 
the question: for I myself do not know who the 
self is, and how can others know who I am?"

(Translated by D.T. Suzuki, Essays in Zen Buddhism, Third Series, 1953, Plates XV,a & b)